The Musings of Meggie McGregor
by WickedSong
Summary: On her deathbed, Meggie recalls the live she has lived and the ones she has lost - as well as her hope for the future of her grandchild. Oneshot.


**The Musings of Meggie McGregor**

**By WickedSong**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Noughts & Crosses and I never will.**

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Hate was a strong word, Meggie McGregor knew this. She had on many occasions said she hated people when she knew she didn't ever have the capacity to hate anyone. There were times - dark times - especially after Lynette and Ryan had both died that she had hated everyone, she had hated nearly every single person, Crosses, God, herself.

Eventually she could overcome the hatred that she thought she felt but she realised it was too late for her son. Jude had started off as nothing more than a angry schoolboy who had to drop out of school. Oh, how much Meggie wished that he had stayed in school. He may have had a good job, he could have been married to a lovely woman and had children. She could have had more grandchildren because even though she loved Callie Rose and nothing would ever make her stop loving her granddaughter, she felt an empty void. She knew a lot of things, Meggie prided herself on this. Call it a mother's instinct but Lynette should have married Jed, Jude should have married that lovely woman who was out there for him to find and Callum... her youngest son should have been with Sephy. She had known this the first time she had laid eyes on the pair of them. It was not that she didn't like Nathan but she couldn't help but think Sephy should have had her wedding day long ago with Callum.

Her last thoughts sway her to the people she is about to meet. She knows she has hardly any time left in this world before she departs to the next, where her faith assures her she will be reunited with her husband, her daughter and her sons. She cannot wait to meet Ryan again, tell him everything about his granddaughter, tell Callum about his daughter, tell Lynette about her niece. Lynette would have loved Callie, Meggie is sure of this. Jude had already caused enough damage to Callie's teenage years.

Thinking of Callie, Meggie is glad and sure her granddaughter will be happy because she has all the chances her mother never had. Callie has all the people she'll ever need. Meggie may not have been fond of him but Nathan did treat Callie like a daughter, Sephy loved her little girl and Tobey, no words can describe the level of his devotion and love. There may have been times when Meggie disliked the young man but she had to admit that he reminded her of her son and perhaps she saw Callum and Sephy in the two of them and perhaps that's why she was so scared of what could happen. She can only keep in mind when Callie fell into her coma. Tobey was a wreck and maybe that was why she could hardly blame him for what had happened that day.

Married for nearly a year now though, Meggie thinks and that was the wedding she could watch without any doubt in the love they had for one another being solely for the other one. Yes, Meggie saw that Sephy loved Nathan but Meggie couldn't be fooled because when Sephy didn't think so, Meggie saw her looking upwards, looking up at Callum and she could tell that look because that was the same look she had when she looked upwards, when she looked up at Ryan. But no, Callie and Tobey would last the distance, even if she wouldn't be around to see it.

"Goodbye Meggie" she can hear Sephy's voice surround her.

"Nana..." there's Callie, sounding like she may cry but Callie is tough, like he mother and grandmother and would be able to get through.

"Goodbye, Mrs McGregor" Meggie can hear Tobey and she can now feel full respect for the boy who is as brave and loyal as her own youngest son.

Then the light pours down on her and she's greeted by a familiar face. It's been decades since she saw his face but now she knows she is where she belongs - she is home.

"Ryan" she says and she takes his outstretched hand and then suddenly, with one last excited jolt, she is finally at peace.

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**I don't know where my inspiration came for this exactly but I feel like it both shows despair but some hope as well.**

**Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review if you can,**

**Thank you,**

**WickedSong x**


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